When the COO asks me to “social media” a picture.
Category: Life
Shield Your Eyes – Someone You Know is Bound to Have Lilly for Target
This past Sunday, Target released it’s hotly anticipated spring collaboration with the brightly colored Lilly Pulitzer brand. The brand best known for it’s shrill color schemes and prints reminiscent of lava lamp matter quickly became a trending hashtag (#LillyforTarget). Normal retail prices for Lilly Pulitzer range from $38 for a tee shirt (that from what I can tell, doesn’t do anything at all) to $298 for a shift dress that Betty Draper might wear next week on Mad Men. There’s also something called Luxletic, that seems to be athletic inspired wear that you put on when you want the clerks at Whole Foods to notice the tan you just paid for.
Now, I have nothing against the Lilly Pulitzer brand — if you want to go around looking like the physical manifestation of someone’s acid trip, so be it, but the connotation that I get from Lilly Pulitzer is “elitist”. If the garish prints don’t scare you away, the snide remarks from the people wearing it will. But, if you are still undeterred, then you were probably among the few many who stood outside of Target stores across the country, waiting for the trembling sales associates to unlock the door.
Or, maybe you were among the other crazy completely normal people who just stayed up until 3am to order items online. Want to know what I was doing at 3am Sunday morning? Well, I honestly don’t remember because I spent the day drinking watching horse racing at Pimlico. I took in enough Lilly Pulitzer to last a lifetime while I was there, thankyouverymuch.
Snark aside, I think it’s awesome that Target has these collections every year. There’s no way I could afford to buy anything from Templerly of London, Phillip Lim, Zac Posen, or Prabal Gurung any other way. But, dammit Target, get your shit together. When everything in the store is sold out within 5 minutes, there is a huge problem with the current system. When your website crashes, multiple times, within half an hour, there is a problem. You should know this by now. You’ve had years of practice at this. Like the wise Maya Angelou said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better”. I’m fairly certain I saw that bedazzled on a crop top in the Juniors section there.
The simple fact that the plus size collection was only available online is enough to piss me off. It’s already hard enough for people to find plus sized clothing that doesn’t look like drapes Scarlett O’Hara sewed together. You couldn’t even make the items available in the store? And how many society girl tears have to be shed before some buying limits are put in place? People have already flocked to eBay with their Lilly for Target spoils and marked up prices. Miss out on the $60 beach chairs? You can get them for $500 here. This shift dress is now available for over double the price here. Need it in plus size? It’s over two and a half times the original price.
It’s not hard to say “Limit two per customer”. The grocery store says it all the time! For all you fashion masochists who are truly scarred, you can see all you missed out on here.
One good thing that has happened throughout this lurid, printed fiasco is that I have reignited my passion for lawn sports. Croquet anyone?
Mad Men is Ending and My Sunday Nights will be a Sham of What They Used to be
As you all know, Mad Men is ending and the world will soon there after implode. Grab your finest ModCloth dress, most retro looking e-cigarette, and those too tight vintage Ferragamos and huddle and cry with me.
I’m not entirely upset that Mad Men is ending. I get it. Shows can’t go on forever and ever…or can they? But where will I go now for my weekly dose of snazzy sixties fashion and poor parenting examples? Where will I go for inspiration for my desire to encase everything in jello? What will I do? How will I live??
And to top it off, the entire cast got all dolled up and just threw it back in my face, one last time, that they are the hottest and that there will be a large, fashionably dressed sized hole in my tv line-up. And before you say it, Better Call Saul does not qualify.
Images via Vanity Fair
Bring It 2015
Another year has come and gone and we’re left pondering the important questions in life…
How am I thirty years old?
Just what is a dougie?
Is turnt up a good thing or a bad thing?
And, how does John Mayer keep getting women?
Alas, I am afraid we may never know. This year has seen a lot of craziness and I for one am looking forward to moving on to the next chapter. And despite having perfectly good plans to just relax with friends tonight as the ball drops, I still fall into the trap of the dreaded NYE conversation.
Unknowingly annoying person (UAP), “So, have any plans tonight?”
Me, “Just hanging out with friends.”
UAP, “Oh. My amazingly awesome boyfriend and I are going to this black tie dinner/cocktail party with these other super rich and incredibly cultured people that we don’t really know, but like to associate with so that our Instagram pictures can make everyone jealous and feel like life failures.”
Me, “Cool”
I feel you Lt. Dan. I feel you.
My Life In Gifs
Realizing I’ll be late for the train (again!) cause I’m exhausted:
People telling me that I’m single cause I’m intimidating and unapproachable, or that they’re not good enough for me:
My feelings about online dating:
Get Your 2015 Paws & Pinups Calendar Now!
So, recently, I put on my fancy “put yourself out there” hat and was a Calendar Girl for a Cause. Paws & Pinups was the vehicle for raising awareness for animal rescue. And, Homeward Trails Animal Rescue, a non-profit in the DC-VA-MD metropolitan area, was the cause. The whole adventure was a blast and my mom has, no doubt, already embarrassed me by showing her copy around to coworkers, grocery store clerks, and random passers-bys on the street. She’s just that kind of person. But I can cling to the silver lining that she lacks intermediate technology skills – and a working laptop – so she can’t share this video around in a massive chain email.
However, I can, and if you don’t buy a calendar or share this video, you’ll [insert horribly offensive and unimaginative thinly veiled threat here].
France Gets All The Cool Weddings
So Angelina and Brad finally got married last weekend. All the other weddings that occurred this year no longer matter. You can all go home, you’re no longer needed.
I am not even going to pretend that I don’t care about the Jolie-Pitt clan, cause we all know I do. I literally shrieked with joy when I read the headline while browsing Twitter Thursday morning. With all the depressing news that seems to be coming in a never ending wave of despair and tragedy, it was nice to see something awesome. And, in celebration of their nuptials, I have composed a list of their most stylish moments.
Congrats you two crazy birds!
Skin Deep
So, turning 30 means a lot of different things to different people.
To me, it means getting a new tattoo.
I went to Ghost Town Odditorium for the first time for my 28th birthday. Or was it my 27th? Anyway, I returned for my 30th to complete the scene on my forearm.
When I first got the peony added to my right inner wrist, I wasn’t planning to get any more on my arm. After a few years browsing tattoos and various placements, I decided to complete my right forearm.
I’ve always loved the look of forearm tattoos on women and men. Especially men. But with females, I love how delicate and intricate they can be, as well as tough and vivid.
I’m still undecided as to what to do with my left forearm. But, at this rate, by the time I’m 40 I should have it figured out.
A day of getting images of flowers burned into your skin can really make a girl hungry. Good thing Hamilton Tavern has such amazing cupcakes for occasions such as these.
Teens Don’t Want To Look Like Teens Anymore
Anyone who went to a public school in America in the late 90s and early 2000s knows that all the cool kids wore either Abercrombie & Fitch, Aeropostale, or American Eagle Outfitters. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. You either wore those ridiculously small tee shirts with the brand name blasted across it or you were a loser. I was a self proclaimed loser because I refused to purchase clothes from those stores. I had a part time job at The Gap and I’d be damned if I shopped anywhere else. Between my 50% discount at The Gap and 30% discount at Old Navy and Banana Republic, I had no need for any other stores. That being said, I was basically a walking billboard for The Gap, but let’s face it, there are worse things that could happen.
Remembering how popular those brands are, I find it fairly shocking that the titans of teen clothing are faltering. I mean, faltering hardcore. The New York Times recently wrote about the stream of tears that are being shed by said retailer’s CEOs. Where did all the teens and tweens go? Well, I’ll let you in on a secret, they’re still there, they just aren’t that into you. With the prevalence of fast fashion retailers like H&M, TopShop, Mango, and Uniglo, teens are are able to copy runway inspired looks at a quarter of the price. No one wants to dress like Lizzie McGuire anymore. Now, the average 14 year old is seeking inspiration from the latest It girls like Olivia Palermo and Alexa Chung. And even in the fly-over, midwest states that might not have access to H&M or Zara, Target’s designer collaborations are an easy way to access the latest trends. Place on top of that the fact that teens just aren’t working as much as they used to-so their discretionary income is pretty much nil- and you’ve got a whole lotta half dressed Abercrombie models sulking around empty, dimly lit, over fragranced stores. It’s enough to make you want to cry, or laugh uncontrollably.
I mean, honestly, how long did people think they were going to be able to ride that bubble? The average shirt at Abercrombie costs $60. $60 for a shrunken, plaid, cotton, button down shirt. You know where you can get the same looking shirt, for less money? H&M. Teens don’t want to shell out money on stuff they can get cheaper. Teens want to keep their money so they can spend it on Zynga games or iTunes albums. They don’t care about wearing a zip up hoodie with a large A and E stitched across the front. Teens don’t even want cars anymore. All I wanted in high school was my own car, even though I knew I wasn’t going to get one. And I didn’t get one until I could pay for myself when I turned 19 and bought a $900 1994 Ford Escort. It was white and had a hatchback and it was awesome. Those two large dents in the front added character.
How To Live Alone And Love It
Even though I have just moved out (again) this is not the first time I have lived alone. My very first apartment was an off campus one bedroom in West Chester, Pennsylvania. I had hardwood floors, cross ventilation, and I was right across the street from the main campus. I had it made. But, I only lived there a year. The next time I moved out, I was in a relationship and things quickly went south. But, this time, I am going to relish it. It’s likely the last chance I get to live by myself before I get married or something, so I’m going to live it up. And, I hope that you will join me on this journey of living alone and loving every minute of it.
How To Live Alone: A Step By Step Guide
1. Rent a small one bedroom apartment that is just big enough for you and a small pet. This discourages unwanted over night guests.
2. Rent said apartment in an area that you are comfortable in and frequent. This way, you will have no qualms walking down the street to the local store, bar or restaurant when you want to stretch your legs, or get a drink or five.
3. Get organized! Go to Target and purchase whatever storage bins, wicker baskets, or plastic tubs you need in order to get your shit together. Not having a roommate or parent to harp on you about your mess can lead to your apartment quickly being deemed inhabitable. No one wants to date That Girl. Remember the Friends episode with Rebecca Romijn and her horrendous apartment? Don’t be Rebecca Romijn in that Friends episode.
4. Buy a nice wine rack or liquor cabinet (that you can afford) and display your spirits. Fill that counter wine rack with those 3 bottles of wine you somehow haven’t drank and stand back and smile. Having wine bottles on your counter, that are still full of wine is one of ways you know you’re a grown-up.
5. Sit on your couch, wrap up in your favorite blanket and watch WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT TO.
6. Run a hot bath. Get in said bath and stay there FOR AS LONG AS YOU FEEL LIKE IT.
7. Bake that delicious looking cake you saw in Real Simple and take half to work to share with your coworkers. That way, you won’t eat the whole thing over the weekend while watching a Wives With Knives marathon on Investigation Discovery. Bonus: All your coworkers will love you and think that you’ve become a lot more considerate ever since you moved out of your mom’s basement.
8. Go on dates and hang out with your friends and then go home and be thankful that no one will hassle you if you get home really late. But, don’t neglect that small pet you got!
9. Make a Cleaning playlist on your iPod and blast as loud as your neighborhood ordinances allow while you go all OCD on your apartment.
10. Wake up Saturday morning, put on The Today Show and proceed to do whatever you feel like doing.
Mildred Lee Productions 