You know that guy you like at work? He always wears a crisp blue shirt and smells like the men’s department at Macy’s. Dreamy McDreamboat. You crush hard. Weaving his face into your dreams and your fantasies. Conning to sit next to him in staff meetings. Waiting to catch the elevator with him for the ride down to the parking garage. Then it happens. You both drink too much at happy hour. He flirts, you smile and the evening ends in a tangle of bedsheets. Now you’re sheepishly avoiding each other in the hallway at work. You can’t go back and undo what you’ve done, so now what?
Too much too soon. You desire something so much, for so long, that as soon as it’s available you gobble it down whole. Not even savoring the intricacies of it. Much like that batch of vegan, double chocolate donuts I baked, it’s done and over with before it was enjoyed.
It’s hard to slow yourself down though. When you’re left wanting, it’s natural to give in when the temptation stands before you. Ready and willing. I’m trying to slow myself down and savor the taste of the rainbow. But, dammit it’s hard. After a certain point, you get tired of waiting and you’re ready to skip ahead to the having. I would like to think that the next relationship I have can be a slow burn. A flicker of mutual like that slowly grows into a crackling fire of lust, and then becomes a sustaining flame of love. Something I wouldn’t worry about discarding with the changing of the seasons. Sometimes waiting makes it worth it. If it’s too quickly consumed then it loses its appeal. Something that anyone can have. My next relationship will not be the red Starbucks cups that come out before the Halloween candy has even been digested. It will not be the Christmas muzak that no one can stand a mere two weeks later. No, it will be the special edition, gold plated coffee mug that sits high on a shelf. Waiting to be picked up and given a home.