One Day

Friday

5 a.m. – Wake up, turn off alarm, and pretend you don’t actually have to get up. Five seconds later, force yourself out of bed and stretch. Your dog stretches with you. He feels your pain. No, actually, he doesn’t care. What he does care about is you walking him. Now. Go through your morning routine: empty your bladder, brush your teeth, wash your face, change into yoga pants and a sweatshirt. Consider how much yoga you actually do in said yoga pants (none) and decide to call them “dog walking pants” from now on.

5:15 a.m. – Quickly walk your dog around the block. Scan the shadows for stranger danger and early bird (or night owl) prostitutes. Mentally kick yourself for thinking that waking up at 5 am so that you can commute to a job in DC was a great idea. The opportunity! The Experience! Ugh….

5:30 a.m. – Rush to get ready for work back at your apartment. Pour a bowl of the same cereal you’ve been eating for three months straight. Make a mental note to buy different cereal next time you go grocery shopping, then make an actual note on your shopping list pad on the fridge. Check your pantry for signs of THE MOUSE. Mentally curse THE MOUSE and roll your eyes at how you haven’t evolved to have laser beams shoot from your eyes yet. Cyclops was one lucky bastard.

6:00 a.m. – Drive to the train station listening to NPR. Momentarily think about how adult you are for listening to NPR. Look at you, being cultured and informed. Immediately forget all of that as some ass-hat cuts you off. It’s freaking 6 a.m.! Where does HE have to be that’s sooooo important? Look down at the clock and press down on the accelerator….you’re never going to find a parking space now.

6:10 a.m. – Circle around the block for the fifth time. WHAT. THE. FUCK. How is it that there are no parking spaces when you arrive a mere 5 minutes later than you usually do? How does that even happen? Where did all of these people come from? Eventually park in a spot that looks like a spot, but could really not be a spot if a parking enforcement officer decides to be a dick that day. Please don’t let the parking enforcement officer be a dick today….please.

7:25 a.m. – Enjoy having the double train seat to yourself until someone sits down. Briefly glance up to see if said someone is an attractive male. Quickly look down upon finding out that he is not. Continue reading your book.

7:30 a.m. – Reach the end of the novel you are reading for your book club. Muster up every nerve to not cry on the train. MUST. NOT. CRY. OVER. STUPIDLY. WONDERFUL. MAGNIFICENT. BOOK.

7:45 a.m. – Speed walk to your office building after fighting your way through the subway and up the escalator. Does this ever get any easier?

8:15 a.m. – Drink first (technically second cup since you made coffee at home before you left) cup of coffee at work. Proceed to go through your emails and calendar to figure out what to work on.

9:00 a.m. – Drink second (third) cup of coffee. Check Facebook. Scroll through your Twitter feed. Minimize windows and pull up a random Word document when someone walks by.

10:00 a.m. – Search Google for images of cats eating sushi. Email coworker picture of cat licking sushi. Ask if sushi lunch is still happening.

10:30 a.m. – Accept appointment invitation for sushi lunch via Outlook.

11:45 a.m. – Meet coworkers at the elevators for your sushi lunch. Spend the next hour joking around and thoroughly enjoying your coworkers/friends. Make a mental note to try to keep in touch with them when you leave this job. It’s only been 4 months, but damn this commute. Voice your concern about how long you can stay here after another coworker brings up the same issue: “I mean, I don’t have a baby crying for food. Why the fuck am I getting up at 5 a.m.?” Mentally pat yourself on the back when they laugh at your joke. Continue laughing and joking around. These chicks rule.

1:00 p.m. – Pretend to read the budget report the CEO emailed you yesterday. Scroll through Instagram on your phone. Play your turn in three Words with Friends games. Wish you had started using the cheat website. What word can you make from GVUAAI?

2:00 p.m. – Make a mental note to masturbate tonight. Wait, will you be too tired? Sigh when it dawns on you that you just scheduled a date night with yourself and almost backed out due to exhaustion and possible headache.

3:50 p.m. – Shut down your computer and pack up your things. Attempt to contain the sheer excitement you have just knowing you get to go home and do nothing for two whole days. The weekend what a lovely concept. Remind yourself to rewatch an episode of The Leftovers – the one with him running.

4:30 p.m. – Sit on the train and realize you didn’t bring another book to read. DAMN. IT. Listen to your iPod and pretend to fall asleep.

6:30 p.m. – Eat dinner alone, while sitting on the living room floor, using the coffee table. Debate ordering a movie and settle for Netflix in bed with a glass of red wine.

11:45 p.m. – Fall asleep and dream of about Justin Theroux.

Zac by Zac Posen – Spring 15 RTW

It’s as if Zac Posen thought to himself, “Hmmmm, how would Makea dress if she had her dream life?” , and then proceeded to design this collection. The Spring 2015 RTW Zac collection is lovely and understated in the best way. With bright separates that are emboldened by geometric prints and watercolors, this collection embodies the springtime’s promise of freshness. The sharp separates are the ultimate in downtown girl chic. I would happily wear it all. I’d be the best-dressed lady in line at Target. Hands. Down.

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J.Crew and the Tale of the Sundrenched Culottes

Spring is often a time of fresh flowers, rain showers, bad movies, and ill-fated online dates. What’s not to love? There’s never a shortage of well meaning friends who want you to “get back out there” and “meet your destiny”. Well, this time around, you’ll be ready for them. Debuting their best attempt at making you just about as undateable as possible, J.Crew presented their Spring 2015 Ready to Wear collection in all its washed out glory. Culottes, boxy jackets in tea stained whites, oatmeal brown separates, and varying shades of denim make up this collection that is half fashionable half EH. 

Boxy jackets are a hard look to pull off and rarely do you see it anywhere south of Manhattan. And the culottes, well, they’re in full force. I am not completely opposed to culottes, I just wish they weren’t so persistent in their existence. Per say. That being said, I love the stripes and maritime elements that popped up here and there in the collection. Everyone (yea, everyone) seems to equate springtime with sailing and boats. What is it with preppy people and boats?

 

France Gets All The Cool Weddings

So Angelina and Brad finally got married last weekend. All the other weddings that occurred this year no longer matter. You can all go home, you’re no longer needed. 

I am not even going to pretend that I don’t care about the Jolie-Pitt clan, cause we all know I do. I literally shrieked with joy when I read the headline while browsing Twitter Thursday morning. With all the depressing news that seems to be coming in a never ending wave of despair and tragedy, it was nice to see something awesome.  And, in celebration of their nuptials, I have composed a list of their most stylish moments.

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Congrats you two crazy birds!

Mind Games

I’ve been at my new job for nearly two months now. After my first month I received a box of 500 business cards. My name is spelled correctly. I have a fancy sounding title. I also now have a box of 490 business cards that I will probably never use. I keep 10 in my purse to drop into those fishbowls at carryout places where you can “Win a Free Lunch”. I am nothing if not food motivated.

While I love my new job as a copywriter/editor (step one in getting experience for a fashion editorial job), I am now amongst the legions of angry/sleepy commuters travelling to DC every morning. Gone is my 10, sometimes 15 minute commute to work. I now must wake up at 5 am in order to catch the commuter train to DC so that I can keep my 8am-4pm schedule. Hello ass crack of dawn! I hate you. I briefly considered working a shift that started later in the morning, but with grad school classes in the evenings (yes, I am also in grad school…sigh), it is more convenient to get back into Baltimore by 5pm.

The worst part of my day is that moment when you’re still in bed and you turn over and wake yourself up. You lay there, knowing full well that the spell has been broken, and that your day is now officially starting. You force your eyes to stay shut, but then, the alarm goes off and you drag yourself out of bed. Yes, this is me, everyday. I keep waiting for that moment when I get used to waking up at 5 am, but it has yet to happen. I fear it never will.

Two major things have changed since I began commuting to DC. One, is that I no longer wear high heels everyday- this saddens me to my core. But, speed walking through the metro is not something easily done in 4 1/2 inch heels. The second is that I can’t stop myself from thinking I will meet the guy of my dreams while riding the train (commuter or subway). Why does this happen? Why is it that whenever we start a new job, or join a new gym, or go back to school, the first thing that enters into our brains is “Maybe I’ll meet someone”?

I wish I could stop this feeling, but I can’t. I glance around at the train station, while standing on the platform, when sitting in class at night, and I think, “maybe this is where we’ll meet”. It’s been three years since I was in a relationship and it’s been over a year since I’ve even casually dated someone. Is my body trying to tell me something? Is there some chemical imbalance that is driving me to think this way? I picture little synapses going off in my brain, alerting me to moderately attractive guys as they walk by. Little missiles with “procreate” written across them fire into my brain and lady parts. I do not want these feelings anymore. I don’t even want kids. Ever. My brain is having a hard time convincing my heart that I am okay being single and that I enjoy having entire evenings to watch Bob’s Burgers on Netflix. Because, let’s be honest. What are the chances that I’ll meet a guy, on the train to DC, who likes the same stuff I like and is sexually attracted to me?

I’m ready for this season of summer love to end and the cold darkness of solitary fall to seep back in. Bring back The Walking Dead, cable knit sweaters, boots, and evenings drinking red wine and reading into the night. Be gone hot and sticky summer, with your toned men, running morning and night, up and down my block. Shirtless and tanned.

I seriously cannot take it anymore.

Time To Start Saving: Altuzarra For Target Lookbook Released!

Target has done it again. The latest designer collaboration is going to be a massive hit. I really hope I’m able to buy all the items I want, because I am not trying to scour eBay and pay 3times as much. Check out the complete lookbook for Altuzarra’s collection for Target below and mark your calendars for September 14th!

 

images: WhoWhatWear

Beachin

Every summer deserves at least one solid day of lounging on the beach and setting everything else aside. All you need is a good book, a good friend (or two or three) and a good drink (or four or five). 

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My friend and I met up at Rehoboth Beach, early one Saturday morning and parked on one of the side streets. You can find 10 hour meters that take quarters near the boardwalk. The meters also sync with the parking app, ParkMobile. It’s easy to use and you don’t have to worry about lugging a bag of quarters to the beach.

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To make sure we got to spend the majority of our time on the beach, my friend and I packed a cooler of food. Prepared chicken salad, pita chips, hummus, celery, carrots, and sliced melon made for an excellent snack. When it started to rain, we threw our gear into the car and headed to a nearby bar to wait out the rain. It quickly passed and we were able to spend another 4 hours on the beach. We even got to see a beach wedding!

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Beach Bag Essentials:
A good book
iPod
Sunglasses
Sarong