If You Write It, They Will Come

I’ve had a hard time focusing lately. Between commuting to DC for work, taking two grad school classes at night, and being your everyday, moderately social 30 year old single lady, I am exhausted. And a tired writer doesn’t write. Much like a hungry writer doesn’t write. Or a sleepy writer doesn’t write. This saying can easily be applied to just about anything. The problem it that I want to write. So many times snippets of character dialogue or random scenes pop into my head. I think about writing them down, but then I don’t. I’m never going to become a well-respected, self-published author at this rate.

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I have begun endless personal essays and satires on dating, being single, living alone, and having a vagina. Much to my amazement, none of them are even close to being finished! How does Stephen King write so much, so quickly? Maybe I should move back over to fiction for a while. Get out of my head a bit and get into someone else’s. Create a charming love story about a girl and guy who meet on a commuter train to the big city. She’s a pack rat. He’s an OCD freak. She loves sleeping in and bathing only twice a week. He flosses at work. Will true love prevail?

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Or maybe I just need a push. I have plans to go speed dating with a coworker of mine. That should prove to be inspirational. Or, at the very least, hysterically depressing. It will definitely make for a good brunch story. Two hapless females wander into a dimly lit bar with bad house music playing in the background. Neither one of them has any idea of what awaits them. Both are looking for love, but only one will make it home alive. Oh, wait. I just crossed genres. Is this a self-deprecating personal essay or creepy short story? Blood, Guts, Gore, and Love?

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Kerry Washington: Help Me and Purple Purse Fight Domestic Violence Against Women

Originally posted on InStyle:

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As an ambassador for Allstate Foundation’s Purple Purse Program,Kerry Washington is able to use her love for fashion to support a cause that’s close to her heart. Below, she shares all the details of the project with InStyle as today’s guest editor. Check back throughout the day for exclusive content straight from the star herself at InStyle.com/kerryday.

When Allstate Foundation’s Purple Purse Program reached out to me, I was deeply inspired to collaborate with them. I have worked around the issue of violence against women for a long time (with other organizations like V-Day), but I never thought about financial abuse in this specific, explicit way. I realized the opportunity to work with Purple Purse by designing a bag that represents empowerment, encourages awareness, and aids in getting women the help they need, would be…

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One Day

Friday

5 a.m. – Wake up, turn off alarm, and pretend you don’t actually have to get up. Five seconds later, force yourself out of bed and stretch. Your dog stretches with you. He feels your pain. No, actually, he doesn’t care. What he does care about is you walking him. Now. Go through your morning routine: empty your bladder, brush your teeth, wash your face, change into yoga pants and a sweatshirt. Consider how much yoga you actually do in said yoga pants (none) and decide to call them “dog walking pants” from now on.

5:15 a.m. – Quickly walk your dog around the block. Scan the shadows for stranger danger and early bird (or night owl) prostitutes. Mentally kick yourself for thinking that waking up at 5 am so that you can commute to a job in DC was a great idea. The opportunity! The Experience! Ugh….

5:30 a.m. – Rush to get ready for work back at your apartment. Pour a bowl of the same cereal you’ve been eating for three months straight. Make a mental note to buy different cereal next time you go grocery shopping, then make an actual note on your shopping list pad on the fridge. Check your pantry for signs of THE MOUSE. Mentally curse THE MOUSE and roll your eyes at how you haven’t evolved to have laser beams shoot from your eyes yet. Cyclops was one lucky bastard.

6:00 a.m. – Drive to the train station listening to NPR. Momentarily think about how adult you are for listening to NPR. Look at you, being cultured and informed. Immediately forget all of that as some ass-hat cuts you off. It’s freaking 6 a.m.! Where does HE have to be that’s sooooo important? Look down at the clock and press down on the accelerator….you’re never going to find a parking space now.

6:10 a.m. – Circle around the block for the fifth time. WHAT. THE. FUCK. How is it that there are no parking spaces when you arrive a mere 5 minutes later than you usually do? How does that even happen? Where did all of these people come from? Eventually park in a spot that looks like a spot, but could really not be a spot if a parking enforcement officer decides to be a dick that day. Please don’t let the parking enforcement officer be a dick today….please.

7:25 a.m. – Enjoy having the double train seat to yourself until someone sits down. Briefly glance up to see if said someone is an attractive male. Quickly look down upon finding out that he is not. Continue reading your book.

7:30 a.m. – Reach the end of the novel you are reading for your book club. Muster up every nerve to not cry on the train. MUST. NOT. CRY. OVER. STUPIDLY. WONDERFUL. MAGNIFICENT. BOOK.

7:45 a.m. – Speed walk to your office building after fighting your way through the subway and up the escalator. Does this ever get any easier?

8:15 a.m. – Drink first (technically second cup since you made coffee at home before you left) cup of coffee at work. Proceed to go through your emails and calendar to figure out what to work on.

9:00 a.m. – Drink second (third) cup of coffee. Check Facebook. Scroll through your Twitter feed. Minimize windows and pull up a random Word document when someone walks by.

10:00 a.m. – Search Google for images of cats eating sushi. Email coworker picture of cat licking sushi. Ask if sushi lunch is still happening.

10:30 a.m. – Accept appointment invitation for sushi lunch via Outlook.

11:45 a.m. – Meet coworkers at the elevators for your sushi lunch. Spend the next hour joking around and thoroughly enjoying your coworkers/friends. Make a mental note to try to keep in touch with them when you leave this job. It’s only been 4 months, but damn this commute. Voice your concern about how long you can stay here after another coworker brings up the same issue: “I mean, I don’t have a baby crying for food. Why the fuck am I getting up at 5 a.m.?” Mentally pat yourself on the back when they laugh at your joke. Continue laughing and joking around. These chicks rule.

1:00 p.m. – Pretend to read the budget report the CEO emailed you yesterday. Scroll through Instagram on your phone. Play your turn in three Words with Friends games. Wish you had started using the cheat website. What word can you make from GVUAAI?

2:00 p.m. – Make a mental note to masturbate tonight. Wait, will you be too tired? Sigh when it dawns on you that you just scheduled a date night with yourself and almost backed out due to exhaustion and possible headache.

3:50 p.m. – Shut down your computer and pack up your things. Attempt to contain the sheer excitement you have just knowing you get to go home and do nothing for two whole days. The weekend what a lovely concept. Remind yourself to rewatch an episode of The Leftovers – the one with him running.

4:30 p.m. – Sit on the train and realize you didn’t bring another book to read. DAMN. IT. Listen to your iPod and pretend to fall asleep.

6:30 p.m. – Eat dinner alone, while sitting on the living room floor, using the coffee table. Debate ordering a movie and settle for Netflix in bed with a glass of red wine.

11:45 p.m. – Fall asleep and dream of about Justin Theroux.

Zac by Zac Posen – Spring 15 RTW

It’s as if Zac Posen thought to himself, “Hmmmm, how would Makea dress if she had her dream life?” , and then proceeded to design this collection. The Spring 2015 RTW Zac collection is lovely and understated in the best way. With bright separates that are emboldened by geometric prints and watercolors, this collection embodies the springtime’s promise of freshness. The sharp separates are the ultimate in downtown girl chic. I would happily wear it all. I’d be the best-dressed lady in line at Target. Hands. Down.

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J.Crew and the Tale of the Sundrenched Culottes

Spring is often a time of fresh flowers, rain showers, bad movies, and ill-fated online dates. What’s not to love? There’s never a shortage of well meaning friends who want you to “get back out there” and “meet your destiny”. Well, this time around, you’ll be ready for them. Debuting their best attempt at making you just about as undateable as possible, J.Crew presented their Spring 2015 Ready to Wear collection in all its washed out glory. Culottes, boxy jackets in tea stained whites, oatmeal brown separates, and varying shades of denim make up this collection that is half fashionable half EH. 

Boxy jackets are a hard look to pull off and rarely do you see it anywhere south of Manhattan. And the culottes, well, they’re in full force. I am not completely opposed to culottes, I just wish they weren’t so persistent in their existence. Per say. That being said, I love the stripes and maritime elements that popped up here and there in the collection. Everyone (yea, everyone) seems to equate springtime with sailing and boats. What is it with preppy people and boats?