Welp, this is the biggest issue of FETCH I’ve ever done. I thought it would be fun to do a Bridal Edition and celebrate love and consumerism.
When the COO asks me to “social media” a picture.
When it’s already 80 degrees outside and your window air conditioning unit is still in storage.
When you decide to drop out of grad school, but still want to get an A on your methodology research paper.
When you attempt to do yoga at home, but also have a cat.
This past Sunday, Target released it’s hotly anticipated spring collaboration with the brightly colored Lilly Pulitzer brand. The brand best known for it’s shrill color schemes and prints reminiscent of lava lamp matter quickly became a trending hashtag (#LillyforTarget). Normal retail prices for Lilly Pulitzer range from $38 for a tee shirt (that from what I can tell, doesn’t do anything at all) to $298 for a shift dress that Betty Draper might wear next week on Mad Men. There’s also something called Luxletic, that seems to be athletic inspired wear that you put on when you want the clerks at Whole Foods to notice the tan you just paid for.
Now, I have nothing against the Lilly Pulitzer brand — if you want to go around looking like the physical manifestation of someone’s acid trip, so be it, but the connotation that I get from Lilly Pulitzer is “elitist”. If the garish prints don’t scare you away, the snide remarks from the people wearing it will. But, if you are still undeterred, then you were probably among the
few many who stood outside of Target stores across the country, waiting for the trembling sales associates to unlock the door.
Or, maybe you were among the other
crazy completely normal people who just stayed up until 3am to order items online. Want to know what I was doing at 3am Sunday morning? Well, I honestly don’t remember because I spent the day drinking watching horse racing at Pimlico. I took in enough Lilly Pulitzer to last a lifetime while I was there, thankyouverymuch.
Snark aside, I think it’s awesome that Target has these collections every year. There’s no way I could afford to buy anything from Templerly of London, Phillip Lim, Zac Posen, or Prabal Gurung any other way. But, dammit Target, get your shit together. When everything in the store is sold out within 5 minutes, there is a huge problem with the current system. When your website crashes, multiple times, within half an hour, there is a problem. You should know this by now. You’ve had years of practice at this. Like the wise Maya Angelou said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better”. I’m fairly certain I saw that bedazzled on a crop top in the Juniors section there.
The simple fact that the plus size collection was only available online is enough to piss me off. It’s already hard enough for people to find plus sized clothing that doesn’t look like drapes Scarlett O’Hara sewed together. You couldn’t even make the items available in the store? And how many society girl tears have to be shed before some buying limits are put in place? People have already flocked to eBay with their Lilly for Target spoils and marked up prices. Miss out on the $60 beach chairs? You can get them for $500 here. This shift dress is now available for over double the price here. Need it in plus size? It’s over two and a half times the original price.
It’s not hard to say “Limit two per customer”. The grocery store says it all the time! For all you fashion masochists who are truly scarred, you can see all you missed out on here.
One good thing that has happened throughout this lurid, printed fiasco is that I have reignited my passion for lawn sports. Croquet anyone?
After everyone has finished pranking you for April Fools Day with insect ice and staplers that don’t really staple ( haha George in Accounting), it’s time to start planning your long weekends that will be filled with music festivals. I think I may have skipped over that brief period of time in my life when I would have actually enjoyed going to Coachella or Bonnaroo. Now, I can’t be bothered. It’s too damn expensive and it’s too many fucking people.
I am, however, attending the Charm City Folk and Bluegrass Festival here in Baltimore, so I still get to wear some “festival fashions” this spring. A quick Google search will inform you that festival fashions are basically what people people wore in the 60s and 70s, on a daily basis. Except now, you have to pay $95 plus shipping from a shop on Etsy.
While all festival fashion looks usually involve some sort of floppy hat and floral printed item, there are still plenty of variations for you independent women out there.
So, my dear friend from middle school is getting married this weekend. This will be the first wedding I have attended in over 4 years. Man, have I missed free alcohol and crappy DJ music.
I’m excited to wear my make-shift- suit to her wedding. I really wanted to wear a jumpsuit, but I do not have $1,700. Sorry Derek Lam. And after reading this horrible crap yesterday, I feel like sticking it to convention in any way that I can.
If you’re like me, wanting to spice it up a bit in the formal attire arena, check out these for some inspiration.
As you all know, Mad Men is ending and the world will soon there after implode. Grab your finest ModCloth dress, most retro looking e-cigarette, and those too tight vintage Ferragamos and huddle and cry with me.
I’m not entirely upset that Mad Men is ending. I get it. Shows can’t go on forever and ever…or can they? But where will I go now for my weekly dose of snazzy sixties fashion and poor parenting examples? Where will I go for inspiration for my desire to encase everything in jello? What will I do? How will I live??
And to top it off, the entire cast got all dolled up and just threw it back in my face, one last time, that they are the hottest and that there will be a large, fashionably dressed sized hole in my tv line-up. And before you say it, Better Call Saul does not qualify.
Images via Vanity Fair
I’m not sure what I want to be when I grow up. I can’t take any more Buzzfeed quizzes. I know I will never be a soap opera star who writes a best-selling autobiography and wins an academy award for portraying myself in the Oscar nominated film. It’s just not happening. I know it. You know it. And Buzzfeed knows it, they’re just keen on lying to me, repeatedly.
During this contemplation phase of my life, I am considering my options. Grad school? Sure, but it’s expensive and not paying out what it used to. So what does that leave? Switching careers….the old fashioned midlife crisis. Except, I’m in my 30s, so it’s more like 1/3 life crisis. Or something like that.
I majored in Business for my undergrad and I have always wanted to own my own business. So, maybe that’s what’s next for me? I mean, why not? What’s to lose except going majorly into debt and having to file bankruptcy?
I have an idea – a wine bar/shop for my neighborhood. There is nothing like it around, so I think it would be awesome…if you build it, they will come. I will need funds. A lot of funds. How will I get these funds? Kickstarter? Is that viable?
I think I am in a decent place to make this happen. I have the education. I have the know how (I’ve been a retail manager in many past lives). I’ve studied culinary arts, pastry arts, restaurant management, and nutrition. And, more importantly, I love wine!
With my work experience as a marketing and communications professional, plus my recent foray into graphic design, I’ve already created a website, menu, and promotional posts for music nights and wine tasting events. I can do this, right? I just need the money.
Anyone out there want to gift me $150,000? Please? I’ll really appreciate it!